I’ve never known how to be happy with just me.
- I’ve always thought that I need someone, a man, to make me feel happy. I believe that being in a relationship will make me feel a million times happier because there’s someone to love me back and accept my flaws. No, I don’t jump into relationships to find that happiness. I’m the kind of girl to pour my heart and soul to someone. It worked for a while, we made it work but things changed. I lost the happiness I was clinging onto. I felt lost. I don’t know how to be genuinely happy for a while. It took me months and countless of sad love songs for me to realize that I’m wasting my time moping around over the lost of someone. Even though, the feelings for him still lingers at the back of my mind, I realized that I can be happy on my own.
- I always feel happy when someone compliments me. I need that kind of reassurance to make me feel that I’m doing something right. Thus, I do things in my family in hopes of them appreciating me and complimenting me. It doesn’t always work. I can do all the good things but they’ll never realize how much I needed their appreciation. It’s frustrating but hey, they’re my family and I love them. Lately, I realize that it’s not impossible to be happy without getting any compliments from them.
Now, I realize that happiness comes within me. It took a while to find it but now that I do, I will lock it in my heart. No one can take my happiness away when I’ve come so far. I won’t let them.
First of all, I’m a plus-sized girl. Second, my confidence level is always on a roller-coaster ride. One moment, I can feel like I’m the most confident person in the world and the next moment, I would feel so fat and I’m not good enough for anything.
However, that’s just me. I’m trying to push through those insecurities that eat me up from the inside. I have skinny friends and I love them. Yes, I do feel inadequate – in terms of weight and look – when I’m around them but that does not give me the right to skinny-shame them. As a matter of fact, no one owns the right to body-shame someone, regardless of who you are. Sadly, it has become a trend these days.
Someone is not happy / jealous about the way others look, BODY-SHAME THEM!
STOP DOING IT.
Everyone comes in different shapes and sizes. Stop pressuring girls and boys to achieve that ‘perfect’ body just so they could feel normal. They are normal! Those who comes in different shapes and sizes are normal! If you have a perfectly functioning body parts, then you are normal. If you’re plus-sized, then you are normal. If you’re skinny, then you are normal. To me, being normal means your body is functioning well as it should be.
You’ll never know what others feel like when they are body-shame. Don’t fat-shame or skinny-shame others. Nothing good will come out of it.
Instead of body shaming others, it’s best to look at a mirror and starts noticing your own body and try to love it. Throw away negative judgements in your mind and look into the mirror in a positive way. It won’t be easy but you have to start somewhere.
I’ve been doing this and it’s a slow journey but I will get to the point where I will be so comfortable in my own skin and my confidence will rise up to the roof.
If I’m too emotional, they call me dramatic.
If I’m too emotionless, they call me heartless.
Often, it’s hard to control my emotions but I’m trying. I’m just a human at the end of the day.
We all are.
I write stories (short stories & etc) and mostly, they are fiction. As crazy as it sounds, I imagine a lot, hence, why I love writing fictions. My imaginations need to find a way out from my cramped brain and writing fiction is the only way I know how.
However, I have one problem. I have a lot of unfinished stories waiting for me to open them again. Just patiently waiting in my ‘rabble dabble’ folder. It’s frustrating.
Although they were born from my imaginations, I still get writers block. I contemplate so many things as I try write a damn good story. A I write, the characters come alive, so real in my head and they put their two cents in. I’m not crazy, I swear. I could close my eyes and they’ll speak to me, telling me what they want to do and how they should do it. It’s even worse when I’m writing a story with many chapters. Usually, those type of stories ends up being one-shot stories (or short stories).
Another thing, writers block is not the only reason that contributes to me unable to finish a story. The pressure of writing a good one in order to impress others is also one of the matter. I write for everyone to read, thus, HUGE PRESSURE. I want them to love it, to go crazy for it, to cry, to smile, to laugh….to feel so many emotions just by reading my story. sigh. If no one can feel any emotion while reading it, then I feel like I’ve failed them.
Still, even with so many unfinished stories in my secret vault, I do start new ones and they all suffer the same fate. I guess, I’ll read them back and hope that the ideas come rushing in like waterfall.
If you’re currently writing stories, I hope you’ll be able to finish them.
She stares on the paper in front of her,
Pros and cons flashing like neon lights,
Each choices pulling her heart into different directions,
She pushed the paper away,
She close her eyes;
As realization sinks in,
She’s in a dilemma once again.
Who experiences this?
I’m the type of person who LOVES to watch cooking shows, google recipes (and claim it’s easy to make but never find the time to do it), gaze at pictures of food and etc. I’m not sure I’d call myself a foodie but I love food. I love to eat (and my body is not thanking me for it).
I can cook.
Give me recipes and I can follow it…I’m sure. I just don’t know how well it would turn out.
As much as I like cooking, I’m not the type to think where I went wrong during cooking and continuously try to fix it. My mom always muttering about how I love watching cooking shows yet put no effort in making any of the recipes I saw on TV. Oooops? I like to take an easy route when it comes to cooking. I always cook the ones I think that are simple and would get food into my belly quick.
For example: fried rice.
Rice is my staple food. I grew up eating it. When I’m lazy to cook other food to eat with rice, I’d just end up making fried rice. It’s so SUPER DUPER EASY. I can basically throw in chicken/meat/shrimp/etc, add some veggies (a must!), eggs, some seasoning (salt and pepper are usually enough but you can add other to make it more vavavoom!) and VOILA! DONE. Of course, if you’re more ambitious, you can add more ingredients but to me, fried rice is my go to lazy meal to prepare. There’s no right or wrong in putting whatever ingredients that you want, as long as it fits your taste. (really, no one tried gummy bears with fried rice before but you can be the first). My style of cooking: fast and easy (most times when I’m not feeling like I want to spend hours in the kitchen). &+ if you’re on a budget, I don’t think making fried rice will break it. Just pick any ingredients you have in the fridge.
So, most times, I’m the ‘just throw it in’ type of person when I cook. However, I do have ‘experiment’ moments where I try recipes that I found.
The best part of cooking for me (despite how I do it) is getting good reviews from my mom and family. It just warms my heart when I see everyone takes a second helping.
What’s your style of cooking?