“We belong together, like the open seas and shores”– Gavin Degraw
Like many, I’ve loved and lost.
I’ve lost the man I’ve known my entire life, my grandfather, to an accident. It was so sudden and it took me a long time to be able to talk about him with my family. He was so important to me but I never showed him how much I appreciated him and now it’s too late. I hoped he always knew that I loved him immensely, I still do. I’ll always love him.
Each time, I remember my younger days, he was always in the picture. He brought me to parks, restaurants, malls and etc. He was never angry with me. He always had a smile on his face. Back when I was in college, I always called him each time I get my final exam result. On the day he passed away, I was going to call him because I’ve gotten my exam result the day before but I didn’t get the chance. I still remember, so vividly, the day my sister came into my room and told me that he passed away. I sat on stairs listening to my mother talked to someone on the phone. It didn’t hit me yet, I didn’t cry until I was at my grandmother’s house and my aunt was calling me to sat with her. I broke down, I ran to the bathroom. I told myself that I had to be strong and kept it together.
I lost the battle. I broke down…all the way to the grave. I heard someone mentioned that I was close to him and I cried harder. I watched them lowered him down, I had to watch it to believe it.
Days after his death, I dealt with grief and anger in my own way. I never told anyone how I felt. It was unfair to me that the person who crashed into his car didn’t die. The person should have suffer, at least. I wanted the person to live with the guilt of knowing that he caused an old man’s death. It was unhealthy in the way my mind kept thinking of the unfairness of it all. After a while, I learned to let the anger go but the grief stayed. It never went away.
It has been 3 years. I accepted it. I guess, I came full circle but most times, I wish he was here.
Together with me.